Danielisms

WARNING
The following blog post may contain stories or statements that could show a human side to accused murderer Daniel Wozniak.

Reader discretion is advised.

Seriously, Though…

Why am I telling you these personal things about Daniel?

I know I have written a lot about the case and the legal side of this story lately (and dealt with some very cranky readers).   I guess I just wanted to get back to the basics, so to speak, and return to my original reason for writing this blog in the first place.

I want to understand Daniel.

I want to figure out the person behind the alleged murderer.  I know that many people just assume that he is a monster and write him off.   That is not who I am.

So, here are some aspects of Daniel that don’t make the headlines…

When he was a toddler, he loved watching the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He would stand in front of the TV and mimic Johnny doing his traditional mimed golf swing. When his parents asked their youngest what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas that year, he answered “I wan a my ro phone (translation: I want a microphone), which he received.   He then took it with him everywhere, annoying his older siblings by constantly shouting in to it, “Lay ees a gennle man!”

You can figure out when people originally met Daniel by the name they use for him. People who knew him as a young child still call him “Danny.” Those who met him as an adult call him “Dan” (the crime took place during the Dan years).  I started calling him “Daniel” when I first wrote to him out of politeness and not wanting to assume familiarity. It just stuck.

He hates Pepsi! I learned that on the first night I met him, six years ago in the theatre office, when he was refusing to let me sell cans of Pepsi to audience members. I have never gotten a logical answer from him about WHY he hates Pepsi, and when I ask him about it, he looks at me like I’ve asked him why he doesn’t drink kerosene.  It’s not just a preference for Coke, he despises Pepsi. (Writer’s note – I’m fine with Pepsi.)

After numerous drunken, foolish and sometimes humiliating mishaps, he finally came to the realization that he can NOT handle Tequila. (Writer’s note – I’m fine with Tequila.)

His favorite book is The Count of Monte Cristo. Once I accidentally called it The Count of Monte Crisco, and he laughed. (Me again – I haven’t read it.)

Daniel genuinely believes that jail has improved him as a human being.  He would say that he is now a much more considerate and open-minded person since his incarceration.

He’s a pretty good “jail cook.” Orange is the New Black is fairly accurate in its depictions of inmates creating delicious recipes using just the items they purchase from the commissary.  (I’m an OK “out in the world cook.”  I once sent Daniel some pictures of a vegetarian casserole that I made.  Other inmates joked that sending pictures of food to jail is like cruel and unusual punishment. Yep, making my blog about ME again.)

He loves the comic strip Pearls Before Swine.  I seriously don’t know anyone else below the age of 70 who still has a favorite newspaper comic strip.  This is one of his qualities that make him seem to me like he should have been born in 1935.

Another one is that he uses the word “bozo” all the time. “That Bozo got a write up from the deputy.”

He has started calling God “Kramer.” This began when I said something about “the cosmos” during a conversation that the two of us had regarding religion. Cosmos = Cosmo = Kramer (Seinfeld reference).

He lost a really ridiculous wager a couple of months ago.  A fellow inmate told Daniel that he could “do between four and five hundred sit-ups in one minute,” betting him a shot of coffee that he could prove it.  Daniel lost when the other inmate then proceeded to do five sit-ups. Get it?  Between four and five hundred…

He quotes Family Guy, South Park and The Simpsons regularly. (Me too.)

He’s annoyed by TV news weather reports.  He  figures if you want a weather report, you can turn on The Weather Channel.  He’d much prefer his weather Ollie Williams (Family Guy) style:

TOM TUCKER
And now, here’s Ollie Williams with the Blackuweather Forecast. Ollie?

OLLIE WILLIAMS
IT’S GON’ RAIN!

TOM TUCKER
Thanks, Ollie.

Once when I was going on a trip, he sent me six envelopes, with a specific date next to my name on the address, to take with me.  Each letter had a cheesy joke, and a quote of the day. For example:

Joke of the day: A man applies for a job at a very low budget zoo.  He gets hired, but the manager tells him that they recently lost their gorilla and if he wants the job, he will have wear a gorilla costume and pretend to be the zoo’s gorilla for a couple of days.  He agrees. After a while, he starts having fun performing for the visitors.  People are clapping and taking pictures and he gets so involved that he even climbs the wall of the pen and stands on the top.  Suddenly he slips and falls into the neighboring lion exhibit.  The lion stares him down.  Terrified, he starts running.  The lion starts chasing him and finally corners him and pins him to the ground.  The man is screaming at the top of his lungs, “please somebody help me!”  The lion raises a massive paw, slaps the man across the face and says “Shut up idiot! You’re going to get us both fired!”

Quote of the day: No one saves us but ourselves.  No one can and no one may.  We ourselves must walk the path.” – the Buddha

He entered me into a jail football pool.  I came in 3rd place.  I think that means that someone owes me soup.

He likes playing practical jokes.

He is friends with almost everyone at the OC Jail.  It doesn’t matter the classification of band color.   The majority of the deputies like him too.  I’ve seen it in their interactions.

He’s generous.  If he has something, he will share it.  In jail, this often means buying snacks for other people from the jail commissary.

jail_commissary_600x246

He likes to use analogies to explain his thinking. (And if you’re curious, I actually do that a lot, too.)

He can be cocky, arrogant and self-aggrandizing

He really wants to accomplish something that he believes will help others.

That brings us full circle I guess – back to the case.  Daniel honestly believes that maybe something good can come out of all the bad that has happened.  I’m sure there are people who think that is impossible.

I hope he’s right.

6 thoughts on “Danielisms”

  1. I never comment on internet things, ever, because it’s just asking for drama and argument, but thought a post about Dan’s human side was the appropriate place to do it.

    I went to high school with Dan. He was a student in a 1st period class I was TA for. There was a couch in the back of the room and I would fall asleep on the couch a couple times a week. Dan sat in the back of the room and if I was still asleep he would make sure to wake me up when it was time to go.

    We’d occasionally chat during class and one day I mentioned I was too broke for lunch and had forgotten to bring anything from home, so he gave me $5 and refused to let me pay him back. He didn’t know it, but my family was in a very bad financial situation, so that was a really big thing to me at the time.

    I think the only other interaction I actually had with him was after singing at an audition for a school musical. Dan came up with a big smile and said, “Wow! Where’d that come from?” It was very kind of him, because it had obviously come from the garbage, where most of my singing seems to come from.

    We were absolutely not close. He wouldn’t remember me. But I remember him that way, as the nice guy who was friends with everyone, generous when he didn’t need to be, and seemed to want to do the right thing. I think that’s how everyone remembers him from high school, and I’m pretty sure EVERYONE we went to school with remembers him, because he was that kind of guy.

    When my husband woke me up saying that Dan had been arrested for a double murder I was 100% certain he was either wrong or making a really elaborate joke, because not in a million years would Dan be a murderer.

    I was shocked, and for a while after I honestly had trouble with it, because if DAN could be a murderer, then anyone could be a murderer. My judgment had been so very off and I was pretty shaken.

    From everything I’ve read and heard I personally believe he is guilty of this horrible and unimaginable crime. But also, I love this blog. Again, I didn’t really know Dan, but I really liked him. It’s easy to divorce the two people from each other: Dan the great guy and Dan the murderer. I hope I’m wrong and he’s not guilty. I don’t think that’s a real possibility, but it would be nice.

    I think what I get the most from this blog is a little false hope. Hope that the guy I remember from high school who occasionally woke me up after class and made sure I didn’t go hungry was a real person and not a mask.

    Regardless, thanks for writing. It’s a really interesting blog to read. And to all other future potential murderers out there, please do us all a favor and act the part. Make shifty eyes at every opportunity, say strange and cryptic things at inappropriate times, draw disturbing art, throw us some signals!

    1. I really appreciate what you wrote and I completely understand why you don’t normally comment on the internet (especially considering this topic). It is difficult to know if he’s guilty or not. Him confessing doesn’t make it any easier to have hope. I see the side of Daniel who you knew in school and I’d like to think that it’s the real him. I’m hoping there will be some answers at the trial.

  2. It does not matter how funny or cute or nice he was or is…lady justice is blind. What matters is: did he do the crime? Apply the standard (beyond a shadow of a doubt) and affix the punishment. Punishment will have a range…does mental capacity factor in? That’s it…even for goldilocks!

    1. I think you have a good point Lorrie. I hope the jury applies the “beyond a shadow of a doubt” standard. Did he do the crime? I don’t know. I hope the trial will bring some answers.

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